You’ve noticed that you have no connection to spouse? The quality and frequency of your corporal interaction has lowered within recently (or even not that recently)? You feel like most of your time you’re depressed? Your efficiency is lower than it used to be before? You want to feel happy, and it is not possible without physical and spiritual closeness with your spouse? The warmthness lost is always possible to be restored, and HookupGeek is proving it right in this article!
Intrigued? We’re sure yes, since even if you’re not married, you can come across the same obstacles with your gf or bf. If you’re married but encounter none of the issues mentioned, you evidently have no guarantee that the same never happens to you. So, the more you know, the more powerful you are, and this phrase has even more meaning if you apply it to the private life! Well, let’s get it all sorted out, so that you’d have much more at your disposal!
Psychologically, whatever you think of adult dating and hookup, you surely know that one of the very vital aspects of a successful man’s life is quality of sexual intercourse. As a result, the matter of the sexless marriage is frequently attributed to be quite a crucial issue to consider! Why? The response would go so easy and, at the same time, complicatedly, and we’re ready to single out some paramount points,
- regardless of how easy it is to notice the phenomenon of sexless marriage, it is quite complicated to diagnose its reasons;
- it is extremely arduous to understand the ways out, so that one can really waste much time to get rid of the problem;
- the nature of the problem requires the so-called interdisciplinary approach, as it is the field of expertise of psychology, medicine, religion, sociology, and so on;
- the effects of the sexless marriage problem are also interdisciplinary, and can even touch upon ethics, so that it’d be not that suitable just to advise using a particular online hookup site;
- the ways out of the issue can be shocking or can be ineffective, which makes the victims of the diagnosis commit indiscretions.
There is no need in any further proof that the complexity of the issue is not just theoretical and ambiguous stuff made up by the psychologists to win the new clients. Unfortunately, the reality is too harsh. Otherwise, you would have the answer to at least one of the questions below,
In fact, we bet that the offers named would have still existed but their popularity—or, it’d sound better, the demand for them—would have been manifold lower!
The most momentous—and, along with this, strenuous—goal to accomplish in this article is to find the way out of the problem of sexless marriage, and, believe, we have a super not-notch solution! Just skim the text, and you’ll know it!
Diagnostics: How To Indicate The Sexless Marriage?
One could say that if your marriage is absolutely or mostly deprived of any sexual activity or it is presented in the slightly expressed mode, this is the direct explanation of the sexless marriage term. In reality, it is some more onerous! Unfortunately! Anyway, the auspicious problems are just another challenge for Hookupgeek, and we’ll help. In addition, these are the onerous problems to start off with if one wants to get rid of them absolutely!
If you’ve never come across the problem of sexless marriage, you can also think that the best diagnostics approach—as well as, actually, the solution per se—is to sign up with a couple of apps like Tinder. Oh, if it were that super simple! Yep, that waiting for the sex in your marriage atiptoe is also cruel!
The matter of diagnostics is to be approached more than seriously, as it is the beginning: the issues where the negative situation is enrooted in are to be perceived first. The treatment would easier follow, then.
To start in analyzing the diagnostics of the sexless marriage, it’d be quite suitable to come across an interesting quote from The Guardian, on how the author of the article explains the key basic signs,
“…alarm bells rang loudly on… wedding night when [the] new bride was too tired to make love… After [getting] married, sex was routine and infrequent. Oral sex was almost non-existent and resentment began to set in. When… [trying] to address the problem [one] came up against a brick wall. [One could try] everything… to find a solution, researching advice online, helping more around the house and trying not to be demanding while making it clear sex was important to me. The addition of children and the pressure that introduced was another nail in the coffin of… sex life. Sex was reduced to a one-off thing at Christmas or birthdays.”
The matter of diagnostics is to take place being based on the interdisciplinary approach, as it was mentioned. Thus, even the easiest psychology-related questions can be posted in such a way that a specialist can diagnose their relation to the other domains like medical, social, and religion ones. Hence, in compliance with a reputable edition, Psychology Today, it’d be nice to get your own responses to the basic questions, like,
- how much time do you spend together?
- what’s the level of the privacy you have?
- what kind of motivation used to be?
- what’s your motivation at the moment?
- how can the matter of lack of sex be related to the medical issues of one or both spouses?
- how was the sexual desire different in the course of time and in relation to age?
- are there any biological factors like taking any antidepressants, say?
- are there any external factors to lead to sexless marriage (children, no desire to initiate, and so on)?
As a result, the diagnostics can serve a really vital role, as it’s intention is to demonstrate the root causes. Nonetheless, it is evident that the matter of consciousness is also to be taken into account as it has some bonds with the personality traits. If these two are united and added up to the mechanisms of feeling pain and needing for its relief, a new mixture of diagnostics tools emerges.
In accordance with a 2010 qualitative study, Viewing Pictures of a Romantic Partner Reduces Experimental Pain: Involvement of Neural Reward Systems by Younger, Aron, Parke, Chatterjee, and Mackey,
“The early stages of a new romantic relationship are characterized by intense feelings of euphoria, well-being, and preoccupation with the romantic partner. Neuroimaging research has linked those feelings to activation of reward systems in the human brain.”
What it all means? On the one hand, such an argument makes sense and seems to be positive only. On the other hand, there is quite a negative aspect to touch up: the euphoria gets duller in the course of time, and the interest fades. The similar reaction can take place as for alcohol or drugs, when the first impressions out of substances get more and more boring in the course of time.
Herein, the diagnostics approaches are to be focused on the issue of comparison of how the sexual intercourse emerged and how it looked like initially to the one of how it got in the recent time. In any case, no one should forget about the large range of the other accompanying reasons that The New York Times mentioned within some feminist or gender-biased article named When the Cause of a Sexless Relationship Is — Surprise! — the Man,
“Libido can be affected by a number of things, including depression, medication, stress, health, affairs, previous sexual trauma, pornography, pain with sex and relationship dissatisfaction.”
Thus, now you shortly know the main aspects to consider to diagnose the sexless marriage by yourself.
In short, just try to dig deeper into yourself and, of course, your partner. The same approach is also recommended to be applied to the same-sex couples. Yep, it’d be quite necessary to consider this issue, as well. Are the homosexual couples’ sexless marriages have any different roots? Where the sexless marriage originates from when it comes to the LGBT community? The answer should be like this, we believe,
- in the societies, where the tolerance has not been grown yet to the necessary extent, the matter of discrimination can be a reason, so it is necessary to take it into consideration when diagnosing the issue;
- some of the couples want to have children, while some don’t; nonetheless, it is evident that the children can become even more severe problem than it is with the heterosexual families;
- the polyamorous moods of one of or both partners can matter (so, try to check out if your partner is not a member of Fabswingers);
- psychological pressure at work (which can be also caused by intolerance and discrimination) would prevent the couples of sex.
In fact, this list of the diagnostic issues is not concise, since each peculiar case is better to be analyzed in a separate manner, without any hue of generalization.
In any case, when it comes to diagnosing the sexless marriage problem, it goes without saying that the primary thing to consider is the prerequisites, which followed the reasons depicted. So, we’d want to pay some attention to the prerequisites, that is to the stuff which could lead to the reasons which served to begin the marriage in the sexless mode.
Sexless Marriage Prerequisites And Their Solution
In fact, we’ve found out that the psychological compound of the sexless marriage as one of the most complicated phenomena is prevailing, as it really unites the unthinkable range of the mechanisms acting at the same time within the same space. This idea is, actually, strongly supported by a well-known and authoritative website, GQ, wherein by citing the words of Pam Costa, M.A. in clinical psychology and founder of Down to There, the idea is proven,
“Sex can start to become less frequent as couples encounter road bumps like depression, physical health concerns, the loss of loved ones, pregnancy, childbirth, and miscarriages, or as a result of mismatched desire levels. But sometimes, the problem is simply that people don’t know how to talk about the sex that they want to be having.”
In other words, the prerequisites—as the reason for the reason—are treated in a brand-new manner. How? Just before thinking of some global stuff like medical things, physical health, and/or lost desires, it is necessary just to… talk. Yes, people need to talk more—no matter how childish and vague it may sound from the first glance. By the way, we can suggest you a nice place to seek assistance and support in questions related to the sexless marriage—I Live In A Sexless Marriage Forum (ILIASM)—a free of cost location!
In this section, we would single out such essential groups of prerequisites for the sexless marriage as,
- purely psychological prerequisites: including the partners’ age, latent sexual preferences, psychological perception of adultery, life factors, and so on;
- religious prerequisites explaining the purely spiritual bases for the denial of sex by one of (or both) partners;
- medical prerequisites, which would include the role of such aspects as pregnancy, post-pregnancy issues and hormonal imbalances, substances and medicines, menopause, and STDs.
We’d not even try to argue that this list of prerequisites can be added up and, in addition, may vary from the couple to couple. In any case, these are the basic ones, and they’re worth attention!
Sexless Marriage Effects
In this section, we would love to point to the main outcomes of having the marriage without any sex or with the utterly low frequency of sex. It matters, since consequences may be diverse and much severe. As a result, we’d distribute them into the following clusters, namely,
- Medical effects on husband: the matter of men’s health are much different from the women’s, and they can give birth to the supplementary issues preventing the sexless marriage from the yielding solutions;
- Medical effects on wife: we’d not argue whose health suffers more—male or female—but we’d point to the fact that shortcomings of the marriage with no sex can ruin the health of a woman dramatically;
- Psychological effects on husband would also be regarded in a separate way from the women’s, as the psychological process of both genders can be shaped in the most diverse manner;
- Psychological effects on wife can manifest themselves in the severe manner, so that both psychological and physical health would obtain the poor state;
- Gay and lesbian families are to be treated additionally, as their distribution of the gender roles differs, and both medical and psychological effects may vary; nevertheless, they would also make a negative contribution to the prevention and/or recovery of the marriage being deprived of sex.
Hence, in order to be able to fall to the lot with the sexless marriage issue, one should clearly recognize the effects which can emerge or have already been produced. As you understand, the nature of the effects is hardly ever positive. So, it’d be better to unearth the solutions as fast as possible to feel the happiest life!
Ways Out, Or Having The Issue Resolved
Of course, according to the expert in marriage and sexual relations, a sex therapist Celeste Hirschman, interviewed by Huffington Post, even the absolute lack of sex can be treated in a number of different ways. Firstly, it may be considered not as a problem but as a lifestyle of the couple within a particular period. Secondly, if the absence of sex doesn’t matter to both, there is nothing to worry about. Being a co-author of Making Love Real: The Intelligent Couple’s Guide to Lasting Intimacy and Passion, Celeste Hirschman points to the fact that,
“A marriage can last long term without sex if both people are not bothered by the lack of sex in their lives. For some people, sex is not a particularly high priority. For others, it is quite high, just like any other activity.”
So, when the couples don’t have to seek the way out of the sexless or low-sex marriages? Yep, that can really be, and the reasons can be comprised of the following,
- low level of libido of both partners: because of different reasons, the desire to have sex can be getting reduced in both partners (which can be caused by lack of sexual attraction, psychological disorders, evolving asexuality, and so on);
- the presence of the health issue in one partner but it guides the sexual behavior of both: when a woman gives birth to a child, the low-sex situation can emerge, for instance;
- the values of the couple are far off sex and are not based essentially on sex: for example, if a family business is run by a couple, they may spend much attention to it instead of carrying of the sexual compound of their marriage.
As a matter of fact, for now it may seem that the current article has been written in vain, as there is no problem at all, doesn’t it? In reality, it cannot be so, unfortunately, as many couples cannot sustain a proper lifestyle of their family having no sexual interaction between each other. That’s why, we have to point to the most successful and efficient ways out of the situation!
In short, we’d shape the range of resolutions for the couples suffering from the sexless marriage in the following way. Yeah, it funny emerged to be called as the 4S method by HookupGeek,
- Speaking to yourself: as mentioned above, it is paramount to talk, and herein, the first person who you are to talk to is you to find the roots of the problem;
- Speaking to your spouse is the second step to the auspicious solution, wherein each of you shouldn’t be afraid of or ashamed of dropping all possible root causes and suggesting the solutions;
- Specialists’ aid is another point to use, as the sex therapy can be acclaimed to be a lucrative means to overcome the sexless period, even if one of the spouses/partners has lower libido level than the other one does, as an Esquire’s article mentions;
- Sites to hook up on are among the most having lead in pencil tools, as well, because along with the webcam sites, they can add up much diversity and spice the dull sexual life of the couple.
Yes, no one is to be afraid of speaking about the themes which intrigue both partners within the couple, and this is one of the best resolutions! Besides, HookupGeek is going to provide you with the more detailed explanation of the additional methods to overcome any issue related to the sexual behavior of the partners within the couple.
As promised, we shared our breaking new ground 4S method to save the sexless marriages! Honestly, it appeared to be both a nice conglomerate of theory and practices born out of the interdisciplinary approach. Yes, one may refer 4S method to the synthesis of the transparent and evident approaches, while the method itself can be positioned as the simplicity of the actions to accomplish to achieve the purpose.
When elaborating the approach to resolve the sexless marriage dilemma, Hookupgeek stood for the easiest steps to do and to make them really assisting. What do you think of the method? Would it take much time and effort in you? Will it suit your reality? Does it require any additional reality check? We’d be so jubilant to see your feedback in the comments, so that we’d provide you with the additional pieces of advice and save your marriage, as well!
Now you know that the lack of sex can be recovered regardless of its prerequisites, reasons, and effects. HookupGeek is always here, so that you will surely survive in this battle for the most harmonious and… ecstatic marriage filled with the innumerable corporal pleasures on the regular basis!
Benoit, S. (2019, October 29). Not having sex with your partner? Here’s how to get back to business. Retrieved December 24, 2019, from https://www.gq.com/story/what-to-do-sexless-marriage
Borresen, K. (2019, June 6). Can a sexless marriage survive? We asked the experts. Retrieved December 25, 2019, from https://www.huffpost.com/entry/sexless-marriage-survive-fix-intimacy_l_5cf6f949e4b01713bed37997
Gunter, J. (2018, March 10). When the cause of a sexless relationship is—Surprise!—the man. Retrieved December 24, 2019, from https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/10/style/sexless-relationships-men-low-libido.html
Heitler, S. (2014, April 24). Sexless marriage causes and cures. Retrieved December 24, 2019, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201404/sexless-marriage-causes-and-cures
Marsh, S. (2019, June 5). How it feels to live in a sexless marriage—Readers respond. Retrieved December 24, 2019, from https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/oct/01/how-it-feels-to-live-in-a-sexless-marriage-readers-respond
Ovenden, O. (2016, September 7). What to do if your partner has a different sex drive to you. Retrieved December 25, 2019, from https://www.esquire.com/uk/life/sex-relationships/how-to/a10642/what-to-do-if-your-girlfriend-wants-less-sex-than-you/
Younger, J., Aron, A., Parke, S., Chatterjee, N., & Mackey, S. (2010). Viewing pictures of a romantic partner reduces experimental pain: involvement of neural reward systems. PloS one, 5(10), e13309. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0013309